kids – Two Under two

As I sit here having a not so awful day, I have a ray of hope that maybe I’m not doing all that bad. The sun is shining and the babies are laughing. They are jabbering away to each other in their own little language which is adorable. They are happy, healthy and safe. Leading the life a child should, with no worries or stress. We have got to take the good with the bad. I’ve learnt with children it’s not so much good days and bad days, but good hours and bad hours. Those little buggers change their moods quicker than the wind. But when it’s a succession of bad hours that run into days it feels relentless. With the risk of sounding dramatic some days my very soul feels crushed. They wear me down so much until I feel I am a shell of a woman. With only one pair of hands sorting the simultaneous needs of two babies, as well as everything else life throws at you, is exhausting. I have my own mental health struggles, as many of us do, that definitely amplify day to day stresses for me. Sometimes it makes things ten times harder than they need to be. I don’t know how those with triplets or even more (can you imagine!) cope. Hats off to you mums. You are nothing short of incredible.

But the moments Jaxon (18 months) climbs into my lap to sing ‘row row row your boat’, melt me. The hope comes flooding back in. When hunter (7 months) just looks at me and laughs with his gummy little grin and milky chops, it completes me. Then someone poonami’s in a sleep suit and the second bath of the day begins. (If you don’t yet know what a poonami is.. good luck. And take my advice, just bin it. Don’t even waste your energy trying to save the garment.) It is a rollercoaster of emotions that never stops. But what keeps you going are those tiny humans that depend on you. You are their whole world.

With any luck the hard baby phase might just be starting to fade away. I will openly say I am not all that much a fan of the baby stage. The lack of sleep is pretty gruesome. Sleep when the baby sleeps does not apply when you also have a demanding toddler. Six months old is definitely the golden ticket to when things start to change. You start to feel as if you are turning a corner. You can start introducing your baby to solid food, generally they start to learn to crawl and maybe teeth will start cutting. The relentless bottles and nappy changes seem to ease up a bit and suddenly it isn’t so all consuming. They start to find their voices and realise they can hold toys in their hands. Although first time round six months felt like a life time, it really isn’t. Its such a small portion of yours and your babies life for better things (by that I mean more sleep) to come. So if your in the midst of the first six months, hang in there!

With the next phase for Jaxon being the imminent terrible twos and toddler tantrums, I still have hope. Hope that whatever is thrown at us a family will be conquered and overcome. Hope that we raise strong, decent men who know right from wrong. Hope that they are always there for one another to navigate through life and hope that one day they love me as much as I love them. I’m told the snippets of joy in between the tantrums and the teething we get now, get longer and longer as they grow. I know we will do our best to give these boys everything they need to thrive. I hope your reading this acknowledging how incredible you have been as a mother and as a parent. The silent selfless sacrifices you have made and continue to make for your children to be the best version of themselves. Above all I hope you know that you are never alone in your thoughts or emotions. Hope is what holds us together and stops everything falling apart. Hope is all you need to keep going.

Emily.

As parents we can all say that between the hours of 5pm-7pm have been some of the worst hours of our lives. Yes, the witching hour. Our family ‘hour of hell’ spreads over the whole two hour lead up to bed time. Tonight consisted of holding hunter (7 months) on my left hip, as he would cry every time I put him down, whilst feeding Jaxon (18 months) his dinner with my right hand. He is currently jealous that Hunter gets spoon fed and he has to feed himself. Hunter then proceeds to projectile vomit down the entire left side of my body while Jaxon is screaming that he’s just knocked his juice cup off the table. My phone then starts ringing for the 100th time today! And breathe… This is pretty normal to be honest and not the fore mentioned ‘worst hours’. Those hours are the ones I vividly remember all three of us sat in Jaxon’s’ bedroom around 6pm hysterically crying. The very thought of these moments make me shudder. They are nothing short of horrific. Neither child will be consoled and at the end of your tether there is no other option than to join in. But deep within you know this can only be momentary as if you don’t pull your shit together who will get there pyjamas on and put them to bed? So you wipe the tears, get up and carry on. A strength you never knew you had. To want to run away yet protect your babies with the instincts of a lioness all in one go is a confusing mix of emotions. You don’t want to do this anymore, yet it’s all you’ve ever wanted. You want to be alone, but you never want them to leave you. It’s ok to feel these things. It’s normal. Its confusing. It’s unconditional love.

It’s not just the human babies that have this witching hour, my very best friend says that her fur baby also has this hour of madness. Her puppy, manu. He also gets up at 6am much like my 7 month old. I’ve assured her its fabulous practice for procreation. So to all the mothers out there of whatever species, you’ve got this and you are doing amazing. We endure the witching hours together in solidarity knowing that first sip of wine after the kids have gone to bed will be utterly blissful. Another day accomplished with at least one second of the day where no one was crying or whinging is, quite frankly, a winner. As you can tell my expectations of what consists of a successful day has dramatically lowered since having children. But I know we are truly blessed to have a roof over our heads, food in our tummy’s and loved ones by our sides. All I truly want for our children is to know how completely loved they are and how much happiness they bring amongst the chaos. Everyday Jaxon is learning new words. Seeing his little mouth trying to work out how to say the right word is the sweetest thing to watch. When he gets it right I genuinely feel like we have won gold at the Olympics. The little person that you made is learning and growing. Its the most beautiful, heart warming thing to watch and be a part of.

As hellish as the witching hour can be there have also been the fondest memories during this time. The four of us dancing around the living room to music, Jaxon showing us some cracking dance moves only a one and a half year old would pull out the bag. His dancing is hilarious and can brighten any situation. I’m clearly biased, but its true. The time he had been a little sod all day but was finally sat calmly with my husband during the witching hour. Watching ‘in the night garden’, (thanks to the creators of this much loved children’s tv programme for giving me many moments of calm at bedtime!) I waved at him from the other side of the room with hunter on my lap. He smiled and waved back for the very first time. I cried. It literally erased all the frustration of the day. The time my husband had a quick whip round with the hoover which ended in chasing Jaxon around the living room. He was hysterically laughing his head off, like it was the funniest thing in the world.

So endure the witching hour for what it is, the good, the bad, the utterly frustrating. The wine is chilling and its not long until you can switch off. When you first wake in the morning to the alarm sound of ‘crying baby’ you never know for sure which way the day will swing. But you know you’ll do your very best and that, my friends, is enough.

Emily.

Tag: kids

Hope

The Witching Hour