Hope

As I sit here having a not so awful day, I have a ray of hope that maybe I’m not doing all that bad. The sun is shining and the babies are laughing. They are jabbering away to each other in their own little language which is adorable. They are happy, healthy and safe. Leading the life a child should, with no worries or stress. We have got to take the good with the bad. I’ve learnt with children it’s not so much good days and bad days, but good hours and bad hours. Those little buggers change their moods quicker than the wind. But when it’s a succession of bad hours that run into days it feels relentless. With the risk of sounding dramatic some days my very soul feels crushed. They wear me down so much until I feel I am a shell of a woman. With only one pair of hands sorting the simultaneous needs of two babies, as well as everything else life throws at you, is exhausting. I have my own mental health struggles, as many of us do, that definitely amplify day to day stresses for me. Sometimes it makes things ten times harder than they need to be. I don’t know how those with triplets or even more (can you imagine!) cope. Hats off to you mums. You are nothing short of incredible.

But the moments Jaxon (18 months) climbs into my lap to sing ‘row row row your boat’, melt me. The hope comes flooding back in. When hunter (7 months) just looks at me and laughs with his gummy little grin and milky chops, it completes me. Then someone poonami’s in a sleep suit and the second bath of the day begins. (If you don’t yet know what a poonami is.. good luck. And take my advice, just bin it. Don’t even waste your energy trying to save the garment.) It is a rollercoaster of emotions that never stops. But what keeps you going are those tiny humans that depend on you. You are their whole world.

With any luck the hard baby phase might just be starting to fade away. I will openly say I am not all that much a fan of the baby stage. The lack of sleep is pretty gruesome. Sleep when the baby sleeps does not apply when you also have a demanding toddler. Six months old is definitely the golden ticket to when things start to change. You start to feel as if you are turning a corner. You can start introducing your baby to solid food, generally they start to learn to crawl and maybe teeth will start cutting. The relentless bottles and nappy changes seem to ease up a bit and suddenly it isn’t so all consuming. They start to find their voices and realise they can hold toys in their hands. Although first time round six months felt like a life time, it really isn’t. Its such a small portion of yours and your babies life for better things (by that I mean more sleep) to come. So if your in the midst of the first six months, hang in there!

With the next phase for Jaxon being the imminent terrible twos and toddler tantrums, I still have hope. Hope that whatever is thrown at us a family will be conquered and overcome. Hope that we raise strong, decent men who know right from wrong. Hope that they are always there for one another to navigate through life and hope that one day they love me as much as I love them. I’m told the snippets of joy in between the tantrums and the teething we get now, get longer and longer as they grow. I know we will do our best to give these boys everything they need to thrive. I hope your reading this acknowledging how incredible you have been as a mother and as a parent. The silent selfless sacrifices you have made and continue to make for your children to be the best version of themselves. Above all I hope you know that you are never alone in your thoughts or emotions. Hope is what holds us together and stops everything falling apart. Hope is all you need to keep going. 

Emily.